"So, what are you thinking of doing after graduation?"

I haven't even started senior year yet, and already, people have started what I plan on doing next year. The answer? Well, if you'd asked me a few months ago, it would've been a definitive, "Taking a year or two off to work in industry before going back to grad (or med) school." (This for now, is still my short answer...the long answer is the rest of this post). As I was undecided about PhD vs MD/PhD, working in industry would be a good way to pursue my interest in research in the biotech/pharmaceutical industries while buying me some time to make up my mind about med school. Simple and satisfactory. But after much contemplation this summer, I'm not so sure anymore.

Two things from Summer Project spurred most of this contemplation. The first is a dessert night for the seniors with info about post-grad options with Campus Crusade (interning/STINT, full-time ministry). I was pretty adamant against going into ministry because God has given me an interest in scientific research and dreams of an advanced degree for a reason. Why would he give me these gifts and dreams and then not have me use them? Of what use is a BS in BME in ministry? Why would I let my ridiculously expensive private school education go to waste? But I listened anyway and got to hear some of the stories from the staff of how they decided to join full-time.

The second was eternal perspective. If all of eternity were represented on a timeline, how big would a human lifespan be? The 70 years would be but a microscopic speck. What's the use of working so hard for my tiny dot? I want to be a part of something bigger -- part of God's purpose and story that He wrote for the universe. When I'm 35 and I look back over the last 10 years of my life, what do I want to see? What do I want to have accomplished? Or what about when I'm 70? How do I want to have affected or influenced people or the world around me over my lifetime?

So many questions...and so few answers...

So what is my answer now, you ask? I don't know. I don't know what I'll be doing, whether I'll stay in the city, move back to Atlanta, move to a new city-- I don't even know if I'm going to be in the country, for Pete's sake. But I can tell you that I know my first post-graduation job doesn't have to be what I do for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I'm leaning "no" about MD/PhD because I don't want it badly enough (and everyone I know in med school has told me that I won't make it through unless I'm willing to fight for it). I can tell you that I am considering spending my time off for ministry, and that my change in attitude about that can only be from God. But most importantly, I can tell you that God knows best and that I will go wherever he leads me.

One day I'm going to look back on this and wonder why I worried so much. Until then, I've got some praying to do.

Epic Hawaii -- The final update

Dear friends and family,

Thank you all for your support, your prayers, and words of encouragement for this mission trip! After much processing and reflection, I'd like to give you a final update. It has been an incredibly challenging and stretching summer, and I'd just like to share with a little bit about what God has taught me and how he's grown me this summer. Below is the letter that I wrote.

This summer, I was part of a team of 29 Asian-American students and 9 staff from all over the mainland US. Within days, we became like family as we trained together, shared the gospel together, prayed together, and played together. Since Hawaii is over 50% Asian, we fit right in – in fact, if we didn't say anything, most people just assumed that we were locals. Our purpose there was twofold: first, to find our identity in Christ, and second, to launch movements on campuses.

Through several ministries, such as men's and women's time, Bible studies, and large group sharing, we learned about ourselves as Asian Americans and the ways that our culture affects our relationships with others and with God. We learned about healthy ways of dealing with conflicts and our emotions, but one of the most important lessons I learned was that the performance orientation of Asian culture had led me to believe that I had to earn God's approval by working hard at getting good grades or by serving in my fellowship. In reality, God created us to be human beings, not human doings – He loves me because of who I am, and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to make Him love me any more or any less. After years of identifying myself with my GPA, it is such a relief to know that it's not a number, but my trust in Christ that defines who I am and gives me worth.

As our second purpose was to launch movements on college campuses, we were assigned to one of three campuses: the University of Hawaii (my campus), Kapiolani Community College, and Hawaii Pacific University. We went on campus three days a week and approached people with short surveys about life experiences and thoughts on spirituality. Sometimes at UH, we held events to draw people in, such as a prayer table where passersby could write their prayer requests and a reverse confession booth (inspired by Don Miller's Blue Like Jazz) where we apologized for the ways that we've misrepresented Christianity. Overall, people were generally pretty open to talking, and they appreciated that we listened to them and that we didn't force anything on them. At KCC and HPU, where there were no ministries, God has raised leaders who had a heart for their campuses. They will begin meeting this fall and continue the work that we began there.

One of the most important things I've learned about and grown in this summer is communicating my faith in a clear and concise manner. The first week, I let my partner do all the talking because I was really uncomfortable with approaching people. Since then, I've learned that the worst thing that people can say is that they don't want to do the survey, which isn't that big of a deal. I've also learned that God is ultimately interested in my willingness to let him use me, not my words. By the end of project, I was much more confident, and I even had the chance to show the ropes to one of the locals who came outreaching with us one weekend. What had once been an annoying duty has become a joy and privilege, and I hope that sharing God's love would not be something confined to this summer and this place, but a part of my life no matter where I am.

What I've told you here is only a small fraction of the things that God has shown me this summer. I wish there were time to tell you about the rest – his splendor and majesty in creation, his heart for the lost, the incredible joy of welcoming a new brother or sister into the family (17 in all this summer!), the importance of intentional relationships and accountability, and much more. I feel so incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to experience all of that this summer, and I pray that I will be able to carry and apply these things I've learned as I return to school. Thank you so much for making this summer possible for me, for all your love, support, and prayers.

In Christ,
Jess

PS -- If you'd like to see pictures, you can view them on facebook or here
http://picasaweb.google.com/jessica.y.lui/EpicHawaiiSummerProject08

Graffiti shirt guy -- a random story from Project

One Saturday, we went outreaching with graffiti shirts, extra large white t-shirts with a single question like, "Who/What is God?" or "What is love?" and we asked people walking by to write their answers on the shirts. My partner was wearing a shirt that said, "What is sin?" and we randomly approached one man and asked if he'd like to take part in a one-question survey.
"What's the question, 'Do Iknow where I'm spending the rest of eternity?'"
"No, the question is 'What is sin?'"
"What church are you from?"
"We're with an organization called Campus Crusade for Christ."
"(calls to his wife) Honey, remember that time we were approached by Campus Crusaders in Santa Monica? (to us) Why did you pick me? Do I look like someone who needs saving?!"
"No...we're just asking random people. But would you like to participate in the survey?"
"We're Catholic. We go every week. We have a pretty good idea of what it is."
"Would you like to sign the shirt?"
"Sure..."
"Thanks, have a great day!"

Even though we didn't have much of a conversation with him, it was still really cool to see how God was pursuing him whether he liked it or not. One of the verses that we keep going back to is I Corinthians 3:6 "I [Paul] planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow," and it's a humble reminder that we're only one part of the process as God draws people to him.

Epic Hawaii -- Almost over

Dear friends and family,

Thank you guys so much for all your prayers and letters of encouragement through this trip. I've really appreciated hearing from you guys, even if I've been delinquent in replying. This is my last day in Hawaii, and then I'll be home in Atlanta on Sunday (hooray for red-eye flights!). I am currently in the midst of processing and reflecting on what has happened here and what God has taught me these last 6 weeks, so I will write a more complete update when I get home.

In the meantime, please pray for:
- The locals that we've met here, that God would reveal himself to those who are seeking him, and that those who already know him would be encouraged in their walks.
- The campus ministry that will be starting at Kapiolani Community College this fall -- praise God for the leaders who have stepped up and desire to see God move on this campus
- That God would continue to move in mighty ways long after we leave
-My team as we part ways, for safe travel, for transition back to life at home or school, that we might encourage each other through the post-project depression that most people experience. Please pray that we would have vision for our campuses back home and that we would apply what we've learned this summer and not return unchanged.

Thank you for your many prayers,
Jess