"So, what are you thinking of doing after graduation?"

I haven't even started senior year yet, and already, people have started what I plan on doing next year. The answer? Well, if you'd asked me a few months ago, it would've been a definitive, "Taking a year or two off to work in industry before going back to grad (or med) school." (This for now, is still my short answer...the long answer is the rest of this post). As I was undecided about PhD vs MD/PhD, working in industry would be a good way to pursue my interest in research in the biotech/pharmaceutical industries while buying me some time to make up my mind about med school. Simple and satisfactory. But after much contemplation this summer, I'm not so sure anymore.

Two things from Summer Project spurred most of this contemplation. The first is a dessert night for the seniors with info about post-grad options with Campus Crusade (interning/STINT, full-time ministry). I was pretty adamant against going into ministry because God has given me an interest in scientific research and dreams of an advanced degree for a reason. Why would he give me these gifts and dreams and then not have me use them? Of what use is a BS in BME in ministry? Why would I let my ridiculously expensive private school education go to waste? But I listened anyway and got to hear some of the stories from the staff of how they decided to join full-time.

The second was eternal perspective. If all of eternity were represented on a timeline, how big would a human lifespan be? The 70 years would be but a microscopic speck. What's the use of working so hard for my tiny dot? I want to be a part of something bigger -- part of God's purpose and story that He wrote for the universe. When I'm 35 and I look back over the last 10 years of my life, what do I want to see? What do I want to have accomplished? Or what about when I'm 70? How do I want to have affected or influenced people or the world around me over my lifetime?

So many questions...and so few answers...

So what is my answer now, you ask? I don't know. I don't know what I'll be doing, whether I'll stay in the city, move back to Atlanta, move to a new city-- I don't even know if I'm going to be in the country, for Pete's sake. But I can tell you that I know my first post-graduation job doesn't have to be what I do for the rest of my life. I can tell you that I'm leaning "no" about MD/PhD because I don't want it badly enough (and everyone I know in med school has told me that I won't make it through unless I'm willing to fight for it). I can tell you that I am considering spending my time off for ministry, and that my change in attitude about that can only be from God. But most importantly, I can tell you that God knows best and that I will go wherever he leads me.

One day I'm going to look back on this and wonder why I worried so much. Until then, I've got some praying to do.